How many times have you told yourself this simple lie? If you are a real alcoholic like me, you have probably said this to yourself so many times you can’t remember. Why is it that we fall into the same trap every time? What is even more baffling is that we are the ones setting the trap – for ourselves. We alcoholics are our own worst enemies. I probably lied more to myself tenfold then I did to others during my active alcoholism.
Just One- the Mount Everest of all lies. I will just have one drink or one shot to calm my nerves so I can perform a specific task or obligation. This idea always seemed so logical to me. If I could just feel “normal” then I could act and perform as normal people do. Accomplish normal things like – going to work, making a business call, visiting a client or even spending quality time with my daughter. I felt I could not do these things without a drink. Because for an alcoholic like me to drink was normal, I didn’t feel normal unless I had a drink in me. However, inevitably every single time that proposed one drink turned into many, in fact countless drinks. Those tasks and obligations that were once so important became things to put off and avoid because my mind was now fixated on one thing, and one thing only, the next drink.
The above cycle of distorted thinking was a daily ritual for me. This warn out recording played day in and day out for years. I would go to bed full of guilt and shame every night vowing not to repeat it again the next day. Nevertheless, being powerless and in the mist of full blown alcoholism I didn’t stand a chance. I sold the truth and bought that same lie every single morning.
Those sick patterns and ways of thinking are blatantly obvious to me now being viewed in hindsight. However, while in the midst of active alcoholism, I could not see, I was indeed blinded. Alcohol was blocking me from seeing the truth. The truth that has now set me free from the obsession and compulsion to drink. The truth is that the answer is not inside of me, but outside of me. The truth is in a power greater than me, God.
In the beginning this truth was difficult to buy into for I had been relying on self-will for so long, I knew of no other way. But, I finally made the wise decision of seeking treatment for my alcoholism. In fact, I went to a Christian addiction rehab in Florida. It was while in treatment in Florida when I finally started following the suggestions from my therapists and spiritual leaders. With their advice and guidance from my AA sponsor through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, I now have a relationship with God. What I cannot do for myself, he does for me. And with his help, I no longer need that “one drink” to get through the day.
JC’s Recovery Center
1818 Sheridan St, 2nd Floor
Hollywood, FL 33020
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