Like most us entering recovery I was alone and heart broken. I was so beat up emotionally and spiritually, I got the inclination that maybe I had no clue how to manage my own life. You see, I always knew I had a substance abuse problem, I just didn’t think I was incapable to overcome it. I thought if I just tried hard enough I’d be able to control the partying. Well, I tried… really hard… and failed miserably. At last, I surrendered.
I found a sponsor at the 12-Step meetings I attended soon after. She was tough but loving. She would tell me what to do, I would do it. It was a pretty simple, but very hard to do because my pride would constantly get in the way. I’d think to myself “who the hell does she think she is?” I’d plan to disobey her and do whatever I wanted but the thought of that last drink would swarm back into my head and surrender would come again. So with my tail between my legs, and head bowed down I would follow her suggestions.
Taking action is key in recovery. With the help of God and my sponsor I learned what those actions were and slowly I became a woman grace and dignity- a woman of my word. I was no longer a victim, instead I became empowered to overcome the realities of life without a drink or a drug. I learned that I can DO the right thing despite how I feel.
Today I know that although my feelings are valid they are not necessarily indications of reality. It’s helped me maintain healthy relationships and live a fuller and more joyous life.
– Samantha M. <3
*False names are used to protect anonymity.